Claustrophobia

As some of you may already know I have been dealing with ear problems all summer long. At the beginning of June I was told by my doctor that I would need a third ear surgery. Since then I have had to undergo a CT scan and now an MRI.

My first MRI was scheduled a few weeks ago and was at an Open MRI facility. Well, I took one look at the machine and didn't see anything open about it. When I talked with the technician she told me she didn't understand why they called it open when it looks the same as the regular one. Basically, you are still closed in with what looks to be a football helmet piece covering your face. I started panicking and decided that I could not do that one. Btw, this one would of taken 40 minutes to complete.

Yesterday morning I went in for another attempt at a place that would do an MRI with IV sedation. They scheduled me with sedation because I was claustrophobic. I was a bundle of nerves just going in and felt a lot of anxiety without even seeing the machine. After talking to the male nurse who was super nice and informative, I committed to giving it a try. He told me that the medicine he would be giving me through the IV would not knock me out completely but would make me feel as if I didn't care (in other words, I wouldn't be afraid of the big bad machine). Well, I remember the medicine kicking in and the nurse asking me questions so I knew it started to work. I was feeling pretty calm. All of a sudden I was crying (so I was told) non-stop so the nurse called the whole thing off. He said he had given me the maximum amount of medicine that he could and that we couldn't go further. I was freaking out!

So, now I have to get an MRI ordered with FULL SEDATION. If I am not completely knocked out, I cannot go through with this. It's awful because I didn't realize I was this claustrophobic until I tried getting an MRI. :-( I've been researching this phobia online and it makes me feel a little better to know that this is a common fear.

Summer So Far...

First off, I apologize for not giving my blog any attention. Whew, it's been awhile since I've written!

Let's see...I've been in San Antonio all summer taking an online Humanities class. It's my second online class and I'm loving the flexibility of not having to drive to school to attend. I can log on and study on my own time and make my own schedule. It's wonderful! With gas prices being out the roof, it's even more beneficial!

As for modeling, I've only done a couple of shoots so far since June. I realized I needed some time off--time to regroup, time to workout more and change my body to where I want it. Taking this time has been great and less stressful. Although I miss doing photo shoots at times, it's probably for the best right now. I should be back in the swing of things by the end of August/early September.

On the unfortunate side, I will be having ear surgery sometime in August (it hasn't been scheduled just yet). I went in last week to have a CT scan on my head to see how much chlosteatoma was built up to see how crucial my situation is. Haven't heard back from my doctor yet. Will keep an update as I know something.

Photo attached is from my last photo shoot in mid June.
Photographer: Ron Natal
Location: San Marcos, TX

Loving Leona :)

I am sooooooo in love with her album, "Spirit"!! She has such a beautiful voice that it's really moving me this week. I can't stop listening to her!! :) Ahhhh......

Workouts do Wonders!

I'm feeling really good at the moment because I just got home from a wonderful workout! :) This week didn't start off so well because I was feeling very dizzy when I woke up on Monday morning. :-( I continued to have the dizzy/weak feeling all day long and I didn't know what it was. I thought maybe it was the sleeping pill I started taking. I've been having trouble sleeping for the longest time now so I unfortunately resorted to those dang pills. I know they can be really bad for you so I stopped using them. I'm pretty certain that was what was causing my dizziness. I need to look into something herbal for sleep. I have tried chamomile tea and it just doesn't cut it for me. Hmm.....

Bikini Biking

I had a great shoot today with my friend and photographer, Matt G! Just wanted to share a couple of shots from this afternoon. :)

Mark Twain

"I do not fear death. I had been dead for billions and billions of years before I was born, and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it"
-Mark Twain on religion

Easter

Happy Easter!

Richard Dawkins

Tonight I had the privilege of seeing Richard Dawkins here at UT Austin.  He gave the most amazing lecture and spoke about his new book, The God Delusion.  I can't wait to start reading it.  His presentation was so informative and moving.  I walked away learning a few things I didn't already know about atheism.  

"I am against religion because it teaches us to be satisfied with not understanding the world"   - Richard Dawkins

Doll House Shoot

I am so pleased that my doll house shoot finally panned out. :) Here is one image so far. More to come later in the week.

Photo by: Stephanie Renee
MUA: Lauren Dodge
Austin, TX

Tempestuous

Photo by: Ron Natal
San Marcos, TX

What a busy week for me so far--and it's only Monday! Whew! I have about four different papers to write that are all due either this week or next. I'm not sure how I'm going to juggle those with other assignments I have, not to mention a couple of shoots scheduled. I wish there was more time in the day to get things done. I can't wait for Spring Break to get here so I can finally relax.

In other news, I'm very excited to be getting a new laptop; a MacBook Pro! :-) I'm going to pick it up tomorrow night in Austin. This little bad girl is coming with the new Penryn processor chip which was just launched from Apple at the end of February. Guaranteed to eat your lunch, it's super fast!!!

Here is an excerpt I found interesting in my British Lit class. We are reading "The Tempest" right now.

Full fathom five thy father lies.
Of his bones are coral made.
Those are pearls that were his eyes.
Nothing of him that doth fade
But doth suffer a sea change
Into something rich and strange.
Sea nymphs hourly ring his knell.
[Burden (within)]. Ding dong.
Hark, now I hear them, ding dong bell.
-Ariel, Shakespeare's "The Tempest"

Thought for today

"Be who you are and say what you feel 'cause people who mind don't matter, and people who matter don't mind." -Theodor Seuss Geisel (aka "Dr. Seuss")

Worst Weekend Ever!

This has got to be one of the worst weekends I've ever experienced in my life. I don't even know where to start! Let me just attach the email I sent to the photographer I was suppose to work with this weekend in Dallas. The one who cancels about ten minutes after I arrive in the city. I was absolutely furious. Here it is.

XXXX,

So I drove back from Dallas yesterday afternoon and had plenty of time to do some thinking. I was planning on staying all weekend with my uncle but changed my mind once I reached the conclusion that I probably wouldn’t even enjoy myself. Anyway, as I drove along I finally realized how much time and effort I had spent this week putting this whole concept together for us. Not just finding the dollhouse, but the outfits and shoes too. Everything needed to be perfect in my head. I guess I am just more frustrated and hurt than anything because of the time and money I invested.

I don’t understand your personal life, and I’m not even going to try to because it’s none of my business. What really bugs me, though, is the fact that I had arrived at my uncle’s place not more than 10 minutes when I received your text canceling the shoot. Here I am thinking…does his girlfriend know I just drove all the way from San Antonio just to shoot with you?? I mean, it’s not like I had any other plans in Dallas. I had scheduled with you over a month ago to come up and shoot. My uncle was nice enough to let me stay with him but I didn’t come up just to visit, you know? I understand your daughter was another factor in the situation also. But, could you of arranged for someone to watch her for just a couple hours while we shot? I was even willing to ask if we could use my uncle’s place for a location. It just sounded like you didn’t want to work anything else out when I was there willing to work with you all weekend.

I’m just very disappointed at this point. I drove seven and a half hours yesterday (traffic sucked something severe)…and it really sucks to have nothing to show for it, just wasted time and fuel.

You already apologized on the phone, so no need to again. I just wanted to let you know how I feel about the situation. I know I was really understanding on the phone, but something just clicked when I was on my way back. I think it’s very unfair and I expected a little more from you professionally.

-Melissa

First Blogger Post

Thanks to my Uncle Patrick, I joined blogger this evening. Now I have my very own journal to write in. I think this will be good for me- a place to be creative and let out daily frustrations. So, here's to many adventures ahead. Cheers!